guy

i am 19 years old
i LOVE speculating which most of friends will just want to SLAP me on the back of my head to wake me up.

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

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May 2008 June 2008 July 2008

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desinger: at.subway
base codes: !zrow
brushes: aethereality
images: ellenoir

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Just wanna blog about what happen recently. Her bff , Lijun, pointed out her attitude problem thingy and made her so upset. She cried in my arms. But all she tell me is that, Lijun cannot stand her attitude problem and such. She was very hurt by what her bff told her and even blogged about it. Never seen her so hurt before. Did things to made her happy, told her how she can change etc but don't think she's taking in anything.

I also told her :" thats actually how I felt when you ignored me and always push all the blames to me when It's the fault of 2 of us . You cant avoid them always. You must face it. "

Thats all I said to her.. I felt upset when she just answer me. At least she can say.. Thx for been there for me and such.. Non... Non...

Labels: Who am I for you to even care about how I felt...

Posted at 11:36 PM

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

After I'm done with my bathing, I gave her a call again asking is she tired or not. Chat for awhile and she decides to sleep. So greeted her good night, hang up and switched on my com not knowing what I'm gonna do with it. Awhile later, she was back online and said she couldn't sleep. Since my brother was still awake, we 3 of us played gunbound -_-

While we're in the game for quite sometime. She asked me some question in the game chat.

Jos: Mao, that day you go Zishen house did u said something like don't put in too much into a relationship, later end up like me ?
Ed: no? I did said something like that but it was , don't put in too much into a relationship because if your partner don't responds to you, you'll be hurt. I told that to Ziping.
Jos: Are you drunk that day?
Ed: No? I only drank 1 bottle of long island tea and 1 cup of volka absolute. Why? How you get to know all this?
Jos: Ruisen thought we broke up cause Zishen's cousin tell him that day you go his house drink 3 cups of volka got drunk and said those things.
Ed: No? I only had 1.
Jos: He can't be trusted. LoL
Ed: Who? lol . Tell me on the phone later.
Jos: k.

So we continued to game for awhile and I phone her after shutting down my com. Wanting her to give me a clearer picture of what happen , I asked her.

Ed: what happen?
Jos: Ruisen thought we broke up cos Zishen's cousin tell him that day you drunk and said those things.
Ed: LoL? How can I get drunk? Only 1 cup Volka 40% and long island tea 8% nia. I still walked home after that. haha
Jos: Ya. Only 40%. Somemore 1 cup only, not like I never see you drink before and I know my ah mao won't so easily get drunk de lo. I got a mouth to ask. They think I stupid. Anyhow say things like i'll believe, think I 3 years old ar.
Ed: LoL . Then what Ruisen say now?
Jos: He say the friend want to hai him, give fault information. That guy cannot be trusted. Infront of Ruisen he talked about you. Infront of you, he talked about Ruisen.
Ed: 2 headed snake ma.
Jos: He cannot be trusted.
Ed: Ruisen also cannot be trusted somehow. Once he heard the raw news info tat we broke up, he straight away ask weather you broke up already or not.
Jos: Aiya don't care. I told him no such things. Maybe to him like 1 year plus where got so easy break up.
Ed: You won't know your suitor? LoL
Jos: Aiya I don't trust him that much also.

Somehow I feel she's losing trust that she gave Ruisen. In my heart was like :" O YEA BABY !!!! " It's stupid but.. Thats how I felt ? LoL.

Monday, 9 June 08
Nothing much about FYP. TOTALLY BORING. Played psp, sleep, yawn.. What else? LOL. After school I went over to her house for dinner and Causeway point after dinner because she wanted to eat sashimi sushi from Ichiban.. Asked my bro and sis along but only my bro came. Went to buy the sashimi sushi, visited her dad's shop and went to Power 9.

She wanted to pierce the top of the ear which I used to have. Ask her to go ahead if she wants to but she said she's scared. Duh~ Since she's afraid, as a boyfriend I should accompany her ma. Then she like okay, you pierce first? So I asked the jiejie there to pierce back the same hole which I used to have.

PIAK.


There. After that she told me she don't want to pierce -_- Zzz Somehow I felt that I got pierced for nothing.. She blew the wound for me and asked does it hurts? Smiled and asked her back, What do you think? LoL

Had a little chat with her while we're on the train sending her home. Greeted her good bye and all. Left the place and head home. ^-^

Still praying everyday that nothing will happen to her and she don't fall into the lies of her suitors.. Well shall stop here. It's lengthy enough LoL..

Labels: Prayed nothing will happen...

Posted at 8:46 AM

Friday, June 6, 2008

Thursday, 5 June 08,
When to school for FYP. Bored tracing the circuit. The more I trace, the more I get annoyed as the lines are starting to go all over the board which I cannot find where is it linking to. -_- ZzZ

Read her blog and noticed she posted photos she have taken of friends in ITE. Telling myself it's okay and tried to cool down but my mind starts to run wild.. Thinking that for our relationship of 1 and a half years, we've taken less then 10 pictures together. She don't take pictures of me nor ask me to take photos. Even I asked her to, she'll reject me. EVEN if taken, she won't post it up anywhere.

In the blog, she wrote she actually wanted to donate blood because don't what had trigger her to do so. Heard from her that is Ruisen who wanted to donate and asked them along I guess. SO the whole group go along. Ended up only Ruisen can donate as they're all under age. She took photo of him while he's donating blood.. It might be no big deal to people reading this but it's threw me off a little. Felt jealous that she spends more time with friends, treats them more importantly . All she does is to blog about her friends and herself. NON about me. NON ! Telling myself it's okay and I spread my sadness to Minkuan.

Told Minkuan and all he say was:" Why go think? Since you know you'll get upset reading it. Then don't read it. Now I tell you what I see. She wants the trust from you but ain't doing any action/ moves to make you trust her. AND when things go out of hand and you wanted to solve it, all the blame goes to you because YOU DON'T TRUST HER ! Why lead such an unhappy relationship. If you cannot take it, then let her go. If you feel you can improve this relationship, then tolerate until you cannot take it, tell her. If she feels it's no big deal and insist there's nothing wrong. Not putting at least some effort to have a heart to heart talk nicely to solve it. THEN whats the use of keeping a girlfriend who don't even care how you feel? We told you to wait and see, but you keep wanting to see immediate effect. Just wait and see. You'll know what to do when things happen." To me he's telling me something like, if you want to save this relationship, why not give it your best shot and do all you can! But all I can do is to wait and see...

Went off at 4PM to meet Minkuan as he wanted to buy a phone without camera. Went 888 to get the phone after eating noodles. That was around 6PM when we're done buying the phone. Only after eating the noodles, THEN he tells me that he's meeting his friends 7PM at Cine to EAT AGAIN ! WTP?! Rushed to his house to change because he wanted to. The weather was kind to us raining heavily only after we reached his house for less then 5min .

Reached cine and we had Shokudo (Mk's treat) for our dinner. Walked around Orchard after that and ended in HMV. That was around 9.15PM when she sms and said she's tired. So gave her a call and she told me alot of what happen in school today. Was glad she told me all of those? Talked for quite sometime and hang up after saying good night to each other.

On the way home, we played DJ max2. I am the weakest link -_- ZzZ Got trashed just like a trash. Da bao Mac for Ziping and brought alcohol to his house. Slacked till 12.30AM and bus-ed home.. That was the last night to see Minkuan as he's going to the remote island the next morning for NS. LOL! Hope he'll be alright there and I look forward to our next chilling session.

_________________________________________________________

A)people who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs . B) tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. these people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Shock, stun, disappointed etc. Will give her my blessing and let her go. Most probably will undergo depression.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
With great earning power and a family. Including her of cause. =/

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Non of what people seen. Wanna make my wife feels special.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
I don't know myself..

5. What's your ideal lover like?
My present girlfriend with a improved character. Give me more attention, filled me with all her love whole heartedly and faithful ? Draw a clear line with guy friends?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Of cause to be loved by some1. But loving someone wasn't that bad if your parnter is worth it and she appreciates you.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
Always, if she can be trusted. Why not wait since it's your true love.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Just be by her side since I can do nothing about it.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Some little things she does that made me upset alittle.

10. Is being tagged fun?
Okay okay lo..

11. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
Dunno. I see nothing yet..

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Family, Her and friends.

13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
A person who cares to tag.

14. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Married but poor.

15. What's the first thing you do every morning?
Open my eyes.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes I would. 99% of my heart. Cause I still need 1% to keep myself alive.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
That wont happen. I'm not a bastard who pick between 2 girls.

18. What type of friends do you like?
Friends who cares for my feelings and all. Share burden with. Use and abuse. =x

19. What type of friends do you dislike?
Who dont pays attention to you when you talks to them. Zzz. Backstabbers. Twin headed.



Tagged by : Demi

Labels: Thank guys.. alot.. Memorable times..

Posted at 10:51 AM

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Friday, 30 May 08
Forgot what happen on Thursday. Friday was boring due to the FYP. Tracing of the stupid circuit from the stupid micro-mouse.

It's the length of just my pencil duh ! If I continue tracing, I'll become Pa Jiao one day. After school, meet up with her for dinner. Reached her house and I hide the Pokke under her pillow without her noticing. Went for a walk instead of a dinner at Yishun and walked around North point. Meet up with Minkuan at Khatib after I sent her home and went for cell group at Sinman house. After Cell group, I received a sms from her saying she's going to bed and asked me to send 3 messages to her. 1) on the way home 2) reached home 3) going to sleep. Didn't replied her but gave her a call instead. She was on the bed she said. Hoping she would say thanks because she found the Pokke on the bed but she didn't even find it. Told her there's a Pokke on the bed but her reaction was like :" Orh okay. Tomorrow then find.." Abit disappointed but got over it quite fast after I hung up the call. Slacked at Sinman house till 11PM++ and actually planned to chill but Zisheng and Jacky was too tired. So in the end, I went over Minkuan's house and transfered Worship songs into my phone.

Watched videos from youtube and slack till about 3.20AM before I have my long walk home. Zisheng planned to play badminton the next morning around 7AM and told him I'll be there. Slept for less then 3 hours, my alarm went off.. It's 6.45AM..

Saturday, 31 May 08
Sms-ed Zisheng to confirm weather the game in still on or not. But he told me the kids didn't phone him yet. So went back to bed and woke up around 8AM and notice Zisheng had miss called me twice. Packed my stuff up and bike-ed off to meet them.

Played badminton till 11AM and comes a sudden heavy rain. Rushed home and was already 1/2 soaked Zzz. Bathed and went over to meet her at Khatib. I planned to have a movie or something but she turned it down. End up we had breakfast at a coffee shop near her block and went to my house after that..

As I was tired due to lack of sleep, once reached home I showered and we slept. Woke up at 5.30PM, saw my mum and sliblings preparing to visit my grandpa at the hospital. We bus-ed to Admiralty and went separate ways as we're going Clementi to return the memory card we owe the handphone guy. On the way there, we was very happy and all until I took her phone and asked permission to take a look at her photo galleries. She took back the phone and said :" Don't want let you see." Asked her once why can't I view the photos? She looked at me with no emotions and said : " Just don't want to let you see."

I was upset and became moody. Kept quite and plugged in 1 side of my ear piece. She nudged me and said :" Everytime like that want. Abit jiu angry. You want see jiu see la, nothing much also ." Replied her :" Nvm, just now I was curious but since you don't want to let me see for the 1st time I asked you, whats the point of letting me see now?" " We meet only twice a week, go out also cannot happy happy de meh? Like that jiu angry" she said. Like as if it was my fault? I asked and you don't let me view the photo. Seeing I became moody, THEN you let me see the photo with those unhappy tone. Who will want to ? I feel that the thing will get worst if I looked at the photos as both is already unhappy. Looked at her and said :" Since you say got nothing why 1st time I asked, you rejected? It's not I don't want to be happy, if you just let me see the 1st time without any words said bu shi hao liao right? Why have to go through so many things then bu shuang bu shuang de let me see? Maybe I'm tired cause so I tend to be moody. I do not have enough sleep. Next time don't see jiu don't see lo, don't want us to pick a fight over this small stuff. Your pekcek face is what I wanted to avoid all along cause I just want to see you smile." Finished my sentence and cuddle her a little.. She kept quiet and returned me a hug. To me it's like what are you hiding? Why can't I see the photos? Only when I Pekcek already then you let me see the pic? Whats the point?

Rest of the day was fine.. Just don't know whats the reason behind why she don't let me view the photos. O well.. Don't want to dwell in it. Sent her home around 10PM. Sit on the sofa and enjoy each other presence. Kissed good bye and went off when it was 10.30PM.

Went home and waited for Minkuan. He reached around 12AM -_- ZzZ Played guitar in the room and learned some stuff from him. Slept around 3AM that night.. Uber tired..

Sunday, 1 June 08
Woke up at 8.30AM and planned to have breakfast with Minkuan after he goes home and wash up. Ended up miscommunication with my dear mummy~ Our breakfast was canceled lol. Waited for Jack to wake up and plan what movie we're gonna catch. Watched Sex and the City at 4PM. Great good with good story lines but it's too much of what a M18 movie can see lol. Too much sex scenes.

She sms-ed me half way through my movie and asked how was movie. Replied her as per normal and when I took notice the sms content getting shorter, I replied :" Okay la. You enjoy your show, sms you when I reached home =) " Easiest way to end a sms since there's no content in between.

Had dinner at the food court while waited for Puiman to arrive. Chilled at StarBucks for awhile but went off early as Jack needs to book in at 8.45PM. Went home after that and talked to her on the phone and coax her to sleep as her lesson is at 8AM tml morning. After that talked to Demi on the phone till like 1AM I guess? Sian next day Monday.. Have to do tracing again..

Monday, 2 June 08
During my FYP, Kelvin called me and ask me out together with Minkuan. Went to Grand Copthorne Hotel to have Pizza =/.. Kelvin and Minkuan paid for me as I'm out of cash ... -_- ... The Pizza was delicious and thanks to Kel's special privileges, the total cost is only about $69 after 1/2 price. He worked there for 7 years long years both full timer and part timer O_o...

Here's some pictures taken there..














Don't misinterpret, I'm only acting.. LoL







Photos all done by : Minkuan
LOLS

After the fantastic meal, we taxied to Summerset Mrt to meet up with Sinman. Train-ed home after that. Kel and Sinman damn sweet ar.. See liao jealous lols..

On the way home, she smsed me saying she's going to sleep and ask weather I want to give her a call or not. And so I did, talked for awhile and hung up. It was 9.30PM after I hung up the call. Reached home around 10.30PM.. My heart was telling me to phone her to see weather she's asleep already or not. But my brain told me not to.. End up. I called.. And I'm on the 2nd line.. She answered the call.

Ed: Mao I reached home already. Going bathe now. Haven sleep?
Jos: orh okay. Haven, now talking to bff.
Ed: Orh okay lo, I go bathe 1st .Sms you later then.
Jos: orh okay , Bye.
Ed: Bye.

Short talk.. But ya.. She can be frank if she wants to.. No point questioning her and quarrel over it.. Even at times I felt she's keeping something but.. Maybe I'll just give space and trust and she'll be truthfully and frank to me? Don't know.. Will see about how it goes..

Felt that my heart is been pressed down, I phone my heart listener, Millie (also treated her like my blood related sister) , and told her how I was feeling.. Did felt better after pouring it out. Don't want to bottle the troubles up and so I choose to pour out and forget about it. =)

Labels: Set aside miserable thoughs and enjoy what I still have..

Posted at 10:12 AM

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Friday, 23 May 08,
Last day of work today. Forget about what happen last night somehow. Didn't think about it. Met up with Ann at Admiralty. Actually wanted to reach the office early but ended up I'm late? LoL.. Even the last day of work still cannot get on time for work. Reached the office and hide the bag with the gift we wanted to distribute.

Gabriel brought us lunch for our last day. Thanks alot for all the care you've given man. Had korean meal. Had a near 2 hours lunch. After that we gave out the gifts to people who have given us attention and help when we needed. Thanked them as we gave away the gifts and had a nice talk with quite a few people. End of the day Farhana, Ann, Angie and me took a photo together and I rushed for Cell group back at woodlands. She didn't sms me the whole day.. Tried not to think about it..

Had an interesting cell group with Brother Valor and XinMan taught me some guitar stuff. Was inspired to learn even more knowledge of guitar. After that went chilling at Zs's house while waited for Jacky. Slacked until Jacky arrived Admiralty. After that went to my house and sleep? LOL was boring but it was brother bonding ar. LOL .

Did sms her but her reply was not much of content. Asking have I enjoyed myself and such. Forgot what else she smsed me.. O well..


Saturday, 24 May 08,
Met Mk, Jacky and Zs went for Prayer meeting together. Forgot what was I irritated about. Forgot about the topic I was dwelling about. Maybe thats what I should do. Just forget and I'll have nothing to type here.

Jacky bring along a friend called Kristin. She was a funny person somehow? LoL..Slept while they are having their prayer meeting. The service was not as high as before.. Maybe my mood affected it. After the service, we went to a food court below MERITUS Mandrian Singapore hotel to have our dinner. Had korean style sliced spicy chicken meal and a chat with Kelvin while waiting for our food to be served. Went back to the table and ate the spicy chicken. Was nice. Really. Actually wanted to think of some place to slack but just had no place in mind and every1 was tired so eventually we all went home.. Very simple day but still I was pekcek of something which I forgot.


Sunday, 25 May 08,
Meet her up and went clementi to take a look at the phone W910i. Reached there and traded in our phone, w810i and k770i. The handphone guy said that I needed to add additional of $530 total to trade for 2 W910i and only can be collected on Monday as the stock needs to be ordered. Since she wanted both our phone to be the same and she's so excited about it. I walked to withdraw cash of $530 beside the handphone store.

She pulled me and asked me to think over before I buy. She fear my mum will dislike her cause she's spending my money and such. Fear I've no money left for my saving. I told her, it's totally fine, as long as she likes it. I'll give my best to get it for you if I can afford. Told her :" As least brought you something you'll always use. Even you wont think about me while using me ,but at least you're using it.. " Her mood was no longer excited. She felt guilty and everything can be seen from her face like I'm reading a book.

On our way home, she held me so tight like she never did before.. Kept holding on to my hands which she didn't for a long time.. She's worried that my mum will dislike her and dares not go to my house for dinner. Talked and consulted her on the way back home from Clementi but her mood didnt get better. Even after we reached my house for the first hour, she still feels uncomfortable. My aim wasnt to make her feel guilty but just wanna let her know I really do love he and hope she feels the same way too. I did felt that she loves me.. But once she started sms-ing.. Everything seems to go into the drain... Had dinner and went home. Told me that she loves me and thank me for getting her the phone. Left after we kissed and hugged a little.

All my heart tells me is.. Hope all this is gonna make us even closer.. Quietly I prayed in my heart it will improve our relationship and she'll loves me even more while I'm on my way home.


Monday, 26 May 08,
Started my FYP in school. My supervisor stressed me to hand in my draft ideas, researches and Order List of Micro Mouse on coming Friday. What the hell? So many things to do. After FYP, went over to Khatib to meet her and we travelled to Clementi to collect our new phones. She was very excited and told me that we're gonna have the same phone. She's close to me that evening.

Collected our phones from the handphone guy. After we collected the phone.. She starts to sms again.. Same guy.. RuiSen.. Just pretended I didn't see anything and became moody. She noticed and ask what happen. I answered, I'm just tired. Send her home after that.. Didn't talk to her as much but did listened to her when she talks or joked. Didn't know why am I so affected by her sms-ing another guy and she type 3 to 4 lines of content. Why does she finds a need in reply. I don't get it.. Is that guy SO IMPORTANT TO HER? I'm totally jealous AGAIN and starting to see no faith in this relationship. Reached her house and had a talk with her. I ask her, when will she stop loving me? And I mentioned 1) When I do those thing that makes you angry again and When other guys manage to touch your heart, 2) When I don't want you 3) when you don't want me. Then she say still got 1 more? I said I don't know. She told me.. :" 3) is when I die la ." Don't know how I felt.. Just complicated and don't want to think about it. Went home after that..


Tuesday, 27 May 08,
Nothing to talk about..It's the 2nd day Demi has been entertaining me through sms and msn. Thanks alot Feifei. Didn't recieve much sms from her.. Only 4 or 5 sms in total.. Was abit upset by that but.. Since she's tired.. Then let her be.. She'll if she wants to sms me. Her sms is reducing every single day and now, everytime she's going home or finish her lesson, she didn't tell me. I'm totally fine with it.. But seems like she has forgotten about me.. I was totally out of her life for the day..

Wednesday, 28 May 08
FYP as per normal... Didn't recieve much from her sms , just like yesterday. So after school, I went to meet Mk and Brother Valor for dinner at golden mile instead. Didn't want to meet her in the weekdays as I know she'll be tired and wont be enjoying either.

Talked to Brother Valor about my problems and all. Had some advices from him. After dinner we went Mustarfar as Valor wanna get a VideoCam. It was like 10pm++ and I gave her a call since she smsed me saying she's gonna sleep..

Gave her a call and I was suspended on the 2nd line. Was totally fine with it. Once she picked up the call, I asked :" Mao. You're talking to a friend? " She just said :"no ar." Replied:" But my phone said I'm on the 2nd line eh weird." "Don't know? I'm in the toilet ." she said. I was like huh? My phone shouldn't have a problem what... Talked to her awhile and near the end of our chat, she told me :" Just now a friend called to ask what time to meet tomorrow. " All I say was :" Orh okay.. Tired jiu sleep ba. Rest well k? Good night . " Held my anger down and keep cool so I wont get angry over a small problem. She kisses me through the phone telling me to go home early and good night.

Hung up the call.. And I started dwelling into the problem again.. Why does she needs to denie twice saying no one is on the line with her? Ended up saying her friend asked her what time to meet tomorrow ? My phone showed I'm on the 2nd line why she denie she's not talking to any1? Maybe she don't want me to get jealous? Or she just wanna hide something and ended up giving an excuse saying her friend asked her what time to meet tomorrow so I wont suspect? She's already messing with my mind. I thought giving a call saying good night personally would be much better then just a sms. But I'm so disappointed by her answer.. Denied twice and then say her friend ask her what time to meet tomorrow... Just don't know why she find a need to do all this..

Mk told me, since she don't want you to know, whats the point of you trying to know all this? It's like a malay purposely speak malay language infront of you, cause they don't want you to know what they are talking about. Since they don't want you to know, why make the effort to guess the meaning of what they're sayaing? I don't know.. Seems like I made a wrong choice of calling her... She just can't be frank with me... I don't know myself either..

Labels: Space is what I gave her.. Not being Frank is what I get from her.

Posted at 10:27 AM